Announcement
by Nicole Cushman
By now, most of you know that I lost my partner, lover and best friend in the early morning hours on Tuesday, September 11th. His death at the age of 45 was entirely unexpected and sudden. To say that I’m shocked, devastated and bereft is a gross understatement that does not begin to capture the depths of my grief. From the day Luke and I met just over seven years ago, our connection was palpable. He was kind, loving, supportive, intelligent, funny, passionate, generous and fun. Loving him was the easiest, most natural thing I’ve ever done. We built the kind of relationship that other people envy – full of laughter, trust, respect, communication, adventure and affection. We were so happy.
What most do not know is that Luke Haseloff was also my husband. We were married in a private ceremony in our home on August 14th. We kept this news quiet because we were planning to have a big wedding next year that would be more befitting of a connector like Luke with vast networks of friends and loved ones, but the evening was so special nonetheless. Our wedding was officiated by our friend Carrie and witnessed by her husband Anders. After a brief, touching ceremony in our living room, the four of us adjourned to our favorite neighborhood restaurant for a celebratory dinner, and we spoke at length of our shared bonds of love and friendship. It is no wonder that Anders and Carrie were the first people I called Monday night/Tuesday morning, that they answered my call in the middle of the night and came to my side as fast as they could. They have been my rocks ever since, and I am so so grateful.
Luke was known for knowing people. He was a true connector who touched so many lives. Most people assume that one cannot possibly have such a wide breadth of connections that also run so deep, but somehow Luke managed to cultivate both breadth and depth, quality and quantity, in his connections. As a result, the outpouring of love and support I’ve received this week has been tremendous. He touched so many lives, and it seems every one of those lives wants to do everything in their power to support me right now. I am grateful and I am also overwhelmed. Please know that I am being held and supported by the loving arms of both our birth and step families and our vast community of friends – our chosen family. I am reeling but I will be okay.
I’ve begun reading some of the many tributes that have been posted in his honor, and they’ve touched me deeply. Amidst the outpouring of grief and gratitude, one question has surfaced in many people’s posts: Did he know? Did he know the impact he made on so many lives? Did he know how widely and deeply he was loved and respected? If there’s any comfort I can offer you from my own place of grief, it is this: He knew. He absolutely knew and he was humbled by your love, respect and admiration.
I know many people are anxious to honor Luke in some way, and spontaneous gatherings have already arisen in Brooklyn, the Bay Area, online and very likely in other places of which I’m not aware. There will be a large, public memorial in NYC soon; I am hoping for mid-October, but we have not finalized plans yet. I assure you that we will disseminate the information widely via Facebook and e-mail and all will be welcome to attend. We are also setting up a GoFundMe page that will be circulated soon to help cover end-of-life costs, which will include information on where to make charitable contributions in his memory if you wish.
I’ll leave you for now with a list of actions you can take today to honor Luke indirectly:
Tell your friends and loved ones how much they mean to you
Send that check-in e-mail or text you’ve been meaning to write
Recycle anything and everything you can and look for ways to reduce your waste
Exchange business cards with someone and actually follow up
Have a glass of bourbon or a Moscow Mule or eat a piece of tiramisu (Jarlsberg cheese also works if you’re not into sweets)
Sing, dance, hug, kiss and make love
Photo by Adrian Buckmaster