Eight Years
by Nicole Cushman
Eight years ago today, this man walked into my life and changed the course of my future. If Luke were still alive, he’d likely be grilling dinner for us tonight on our deck in Jersey City, in the apartment I no longer occupy. Or perhaps we’d have headed to the Berkshires for a stay at our favorite bed & breakfast; I unsubscribed from their email list a couple months ago.
There’s no silver lining, no beautiful outcome that will make Luke’s absence okay. I will not find meaning in his death, but I do in his life. I examine how Luke lived daily, and I take what comfort I can from having been lucky enough to receive his love. For me, right now, moving forward involves looking back, dissecting every memory to extract some lesson about human connection. Because Luke always acted with intention, and his underlying motivation was to connect.
I believe a hallmark of any good relationship is that both people learn from each other, so I’ve spent much of the last week reflecting on what Luke and I taught each other. From Luke, I learned:
To assume the best in people and take them at their word, until proven otherwise
To consider who more than what in pretty much all things
To ask for help and be specific about my needs
To grab the spare paper napkins restaurants leave on the table because they’ll throw them out otherwise
To enjoy classical music with my morning coffee and Shaggy while getting ready for a party
To appreciate scotch and bourbon and to always make eye contact when clinking glasses for a toast
How to trim a goatee and how to tell exactly two jokes
Although Luke isn’t here to make a similar list, here are some things he wrote three years ago to mark our five-year anniversary (excerpted because, well, Luke rambled):
“I have the most deep and incredible respect for you. Your ethics, morality, maturity, heart and soul, work ethic, intelligence, wisdom and perspective...and on and on. I love how we learn from one another all the time...It’s soooo easy — it just works. I say this a smidge guiltily. We know myriad happy couples who work hard at their relationships, and ours isn’t completely effortless, but I feel like we communicate early, often and very well, and work to understand the other’s perspective...Nicole, my love, thank you for choosing me and for your love and respect and attention. I'm lucky to be with you and treasure you. I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. You make me happier than any person could be!”
So thank you, babe, for the best seven years of my life. I’m going to do what you’d want me to do today: eat a good meal, drink some wine, walk in the sunshine, and try to make a new friend. I’m so grateful I got to be your partner for the rest of your life; I’ll love you for the rest of mine. Happy Anniversary, honey bunch.
